Bellissima
By SweetOnigiri
‘Only idiots will be able to attain happiness in life’.



Chapter 1
A precious memory




I love most of every day, of every breath I breathe, of every life I pass by, of every gesture of happiness I am present in, and I thank it from the bottom of my heart, I’m still alive, and I’m important to some people.

I was bought up in a very old fashioned French village, I would live here even if I wasn’t born here, I’ve seen a lot of pictures of what a cities are like, so many hussle and bussle in the streets and no one having the time to look at you or even give a nice ‘good morning’ or have a ‘nice day', Lydia, my beloved friend and neighbour shows me pictures of it when she comes back from high school, some times I wonder what life in school is like, she tells me it’s the most horrible place that feels like a jail and you have no choice but to be around people you can’t stand, I guess a prison is different in everyone’s mind.

She told me never to go there. Although I can’t help but wonder what it’s like. I’m sure it can feel like you where there and you existed around a lot of children your age, I’m already 15, and I never seen more children around me other than Lydia and her small brothers.

During the day when there’s school going on around, I was allowed to go outside, I could breath fresh air at last, and smell the sweet sunflower fields and pick them from the way back when I buy eggs and milk or bread for grand-mère, the farmer didn’t mind since he had millions of them that stretched to the main road, that’s the part I never go passed towards the city, I wish a country bumpkin like me would go, but no, my grand-mère says it’s a very dangerous place for me to go, and that allot of bad people roam there freely, who can do anything harmful to you, but Lydia tells me she has met allot of nice people there, like her distant family who live there, I met one of her aunts, and they where surprisingly generous and kind.


Today was Sunday and indeed what a sunny day it was, our garden’s rainbow coloured jewels sparkled, and grand-mère was making my favourite Turkish salad again, she and I where very fond of them, since our kitchen garden is literally the best in the whole wide world, just kidding, it isn’t the biggest or the best, but we make delicious vegetables together.

It was the afternoon, and the sun was breath taking and glowing within my room, again with my self study, I read my science books about the bone structures of animals and human bodies, it made me feel eerie at the time, knowing how easily a bone can be crushed so easily if something heavy, god forbid, ever crushed my arm or leg, I was sort of weak, body and mind, and I get my usual dizzy strokes, mainly during summer, every summer was both sweet warm and sad, it was a time when I was given away while sleeping safely around my mothers arms to grand-mère.

I never felt disheartened by it, only a bit disappointed, that my mother was never strong to bring me up; grand-mère works at a farm for only 50 euros a week and still manages to work with Louise our flouriest just to make enough for us to both like in our private street cottages, and my mother is in her city living luxury working at a fashion company every day.

I never saw her face, or even knew how she looked, grand-mère had pictures of her when she was younger, I looked nothing like her, except for grand-mère, she says we both would’ve been twins if we where born the same time, it makes me smile and happy when she tells me I’m nothing like my mother.

I had no reason to love her, since I knew nothing about her, since then, nothing about her came up between me and grand-mère since then.

‘Nanalah!’ called grand-mère from the kitchen ‘come down the salads ready!’

‘Coming!’ I replied, yes my name’s Nanalah, I was named 3 days after my birth by grand-mère, grand-mère says it means sunflower in Hawaiian, she said she’s been there once in departure during the war when she was young, she always wished to go there again, she showed me the pictures in black and white, she told me it may not look so, but it’s a very vibrant and colourful island, she even gave me her fake flower necklaces as a memento to hang on my bed.

I dragged my self up and put my science books quickly on my other stack of books, skipping myself down the stairs towards our light creamy beige kitchen, with oak draws and tables to set it off, our glass doors was a complement to our green treasure trove garden, where our little jewels sparkled under the sun.


‘Nani!’ grand-mère shouted, like her usual grouchy tone, using my nickname people know me by, for grand-mère it’s a short cut to rant on me,

‘Stop skipping; you know how bad it is for your body!’

‘Yes, yes, I know!’ I giggled mischievously, and sat myself on the kitchen diner chair,

‘Nani, you know how weak you are, you have to watch yourself, body and mind, and you don’t know how it scares an old heart like mine’ she warned,

I sat there pouting ferociously,

She sighed after a second when she glanced at my annoyed face,

‘I’m sorry, I was a bit much there-‘

‘A bit?’ I slyly corrected her

‘Ok, allot’ she laughingly admitted,

She then hugged me, her grouchy self wasn’t there anymore, and I wasn’t angry either, good thing she and I where easy going other wise our lives would be hell, knowing I have her occasional hard headed attitude like when she was young as me.

We sat down and ate our salads, talking about plans to go to the farm again,

‘Will I be allowed to eat the red radishes again?’ I asked

‘Well at least wash them unlike last time, you almost made me faint when I heard you had flu.’ She warned me, again.

I laughed and nodded as an agreement,

After that we sat for a while, it was painfully silent, I tried to eat faster to be gone of this atmosphere.

‘Merci grand-mère, I loved it, once again’ I smiled and took the dishes to the sink away,

After, I went up to my room, and not a sound from grand-mère except the clinking of her cutlery, I sat myself back down on my cushions, slipping another book I read the hundredth time over, it was another book about science, so I put it back down with a long sigh.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t need to stay within a territory all my life, and just discover like the people in my books do, out there with more people, their so lucky, getting to do what ever they like, due to my condition because I’m so weak, I can’t do anything but just read and help out with grand-mère with the house and farm.

I just feel I can do so much more, and learn more things.

I started to stare at the surrounding of my room, so plain and usual, my white barred bed by the windows, the brown carpet floor, the plant in pot in the corner; come to think of it I hadn’t seen Tobi in a while, I got up and opened my window, I saw the luxurious rays of sun reflecting from the sunflower field, the bicycle guy going down the road, the long field and road seemed to stretch out forever, I looked out around for Tobi, I then suddenly heard a little meowing somehow, I knew for certain it was Tobi.

I went down stairs again to the garden window door; grand-mère was in the lounge my guess listening to the radio again.

I slide the door open, where Tobi was rubbing his paws on,

‘In you come’ I said quietly not to disturb grand-mère,

Tobi pranced upstairs to my room no doubt, I followed, came in, and shut the windows, after one tiny glance I saw a group of children, around my age laughing and talking while they walked down the road, it only made me feel grief inside, one of them stopped and looked at the field of sunflowers, I was guessing he might have been taking a moment to treasure for himself, I know I always did, I rested my head on my hands leaning on the window sill sharing it with him, suddenly I lost balance of one of my arms and I dropped a little empty pot I laid out yesterday, it went down the garden and smashed to the ground, making the boy surprised and looking around, accidentally, he then saw my face, in a rush of a panic, I closed the window quickly, I slid myself down to the floor, I took a hand over my mouth gasping, hoping and praying he didn’t see my face.

After a minute or two, I slid up again to see if he was gone. And he was. Thank goodness, I sighed, Tobi was there meowing as if it was a mocking laughter.

Sunday was gone and ended, finally, Monday, the day when all the kids went to school and I could see my wonderful friend Lydia, some reason recently allot of people called her Luna, when she was on her way to the bus, she’d have her friends and meet me occasionally, I had to give her space because of my condition, if I didn’t have this, I wouldn’t be at home all day, instead spending time with her in school, some times when she talks to me about school, she’d ask if I was okay and if  I didn’t feel offended, of course I wouldn’t, it saddened me for me not to be with her in happy times and sad ones, but I longed to be beside her and help her when she needed me, she’d always been the one helping me taste what life with people was like.

This morning I saw her go through my window, it was sunny, and I see her wearing her summer uniform at last, she promised me over the phone yesterday she’d show me after school, but I saw it anyway this morning, I kind of envied her, she was so pretty, she had violet brown hair and deep brown eyes that just make you cringe all the time, and her complexion seemed to glow every time she smiled so gracefully.

I knew allot of boys liked her, it wasn’t rare that she’d tell me about the boys she liked and who she had been out with, there’s one she’s been telling me recently who has liked her for a very long time, and he wasn’t like most boys in her school, she wanted to be with some one who truly cared for her and was kind, which he mainly was she described to me on the phone yesterday;

-‘Is he good looking like the others?’ I asked,

‘He’s okay looking I guess.’ she sounded unsure ‘but he’s way more gentle and kinder than the others I’ve been with.’

‘But, in a way, it isn’t all about looks in the end of the day,’ I advised the best I could ‘in life, it’s the most important to find the most happiness with some one.’

She laughed,

‘What?’ I was puzzled,

‘For a country bumpkin, you know allot’ she complemented,

‘Oh gosh, no way’ I laughed ‘I just read these things in books, it makes an image for me about relationships.’
‘Wow,’ she sounded impressed ‘I have no words really’ she exaggerated,

‘Ha ha, very funny’ I laughed, ‘but you know, I wish, I was like you Lydia’

‘Hm?’ she got puzzled

‘I mean you can meet a guy you like, and, I’m not even allowed near another girl other than you.’

We where quiet for a while on the phone, hearing that loud silence again, she broke the silence first,

‘You know, you can always come with me to the city and meet some one.’ She surprised me,

‘What!?’ I was over the top confused ‘you know I can’t do that!’

‘Ssh!’ she hissed on the phone ‘your grand-mère will hear you!’

I hushed myself down,

‘I mean, don’t tell her, just for a day, that can’t hurt right?’ she planned,

‘Yeah, no, I mean’ I babbled, confused, ‘it sounds like a great plan, but some one like me to go outside with out consent, its sounds like crime in my world’

‘Don’t worry; I’ll skip school, maybe the day after tomorrow, while you tell your grand-mère your going to get the eggs and bread out, and we’ll both go out to the city for a day, how about that?’ she asked,

‘I’m still not sure about this Lydia’ I said,

‘Aw come on, you always moan about wanting to live, so for one day, why not live for once? I’m the one always telling you about what I do, and out of all my friends you are the one who always hear me out about everything’ she had me both convinced and both flustered,

‘Um, well…’ I had a minute to give it a deep thought, just for day, it wouldn’t hurt and I’ll come back to grand-mère without her knowing anything of this, and once again no one’s hurt right?

‘Okay…’ I huffed in agreement, she squealed in joy

‘Okays, then, make sure you save enough for shopping then’ she cried aloud happily,

‘Got to go, my mom’s calling me for dinner! Tomorrow I’ll show my summer uniform after school, Okays?’

‘Kays, see you tomorrow.’ I said goodbye,

‘Bye bye~!’ she then hung up.

From then, I was still thinking about our plan to sneak out, I was laying on the floor, my head rested on my cushions, the sky was blue and clear, and my room  was very hot, the dust filter was running by my plant in the corner, and I could hear the crickets, Making the silence louder & worse for me.

I felt fed up, and decided to go outside for a walk; I went down stairs to see grand-mère and ask to get the eggs again, she allowed me, and so I went off to get my hat and shoes on.

Tobi looked like he wanted to come, while he was purring against my back, whilst I was putting my shoes on.

‘Okay, but you better not run off.’ I ordered him, he meowed as if it a yes, but I knew he’s just a cat, might as well watch him.

I opened the door, and a huge blinding ray of light and a gust of air fell upon my face finally, and a sense of relief came over me, finally I felt like I was breathing, I took another deep inhale and exhale, then closing the door,  I rung grand-mère’s wind chime again, Tobi walked about and waited for me to come, funny, more than a cat, he’s more like a lazy dog, sleeping all day and waiting for me to come, I laughed at the thought.

We then started to walk along down the road, I slipped my hat on nicely, and continued to walk, some times I don’t how to look when I walk, I don’t whether to look away if some one’s near or just look straight ahead, I saw some one on a scooter passing by, and I quickly looked at the sun flower fields minding my own business, faintly I knew it was only an old man on a scooter, as soon as he passed, I huffed another sigh.

I was thinking if I have this much insecurity, how the heck am I going to handle the city? But, as Lydia said, I always wanted to go there, to my eyes, it’s like a concrete jungle, filled with millions of people.

I went down to the farm shop like usual, to get the eggs and bread, whilst I was buying them, I saw the farmer come in,

‘Ah! Good morning Mr Leroy!’ I greeted him,

Leroy in old French meant ‘King’, and I always thought it suited him, because he was the person in charge of the sunflower field, to me he was the ‘sunflower king’,

‘Why morning Nani’ he croaked in delight, he was a very old man, but he had such a accelerating and hyper aura around him,

‘You’re looking better than before’ he complemented as he took out the daily news paper,

‘Really?’ I cringed, ‘what has?’

‘Well I think you gotten thinner’ he laughed, I wasn’t very pleased about that,

‘Since when was I chubby?’ I moaned,

‘well you where, I guess you stayed in allot before, you look more healthier and prettier, guess it’s the hot weather responsible for it’ he smiled and laughed cheekily, he didn’t seem like an old man, but like a cheeky little boy, and he’s one of the people I feel comfortable to talk to.

‘Well, I’m guessing you want to get a sun flower?’ he reminded me,

I nodded happily, and took my plastic bag of eggs and bread, I then checked inside my pocket for my money, and I had almost six euros left, I guess I could get something small when I go to the city.

I walked down the path between the sunflower fields; it was divided in quarter sections, where in the gaps you can walk down between, there where signs saying not to walk inside the fields, as I was walking down along with Tobi by my side, I was once again looking for the perfect and most beautiful sun flower, even if it where to high to reach, I just longed for it in his majesty’s treasure trove.

Looking high and low, I searched and searched longer than usual today, my neck started to ache from looking up for too long, and I knew I was going to struggle picking one since they grown taller this month, made me pity how short I am, Mr Leroy for an old man was really tall.

Sooner or later, I came across a really tall one, but with a perfect sunflower shape, glistening high under the sun, it stood out to me the most, finding something to go on and reach for it, I found a very small ladder near, it was used for importing plant food for the sunflowers, picking it up I climbed on it, reaching half way to reach for the sunflower on my tip toes, I suddenly felt my vision was hazy and my head felt exhausted, I lost my balance afterwards, falling back, my mind not prepared for the pain I was going to receive once I hit the floor, until I felt two hands catch me gently.

When I woke up, I saw a fuzzy image of a person next to me, my whole body felt sluggish, I tempted myself to open my mouth, to get something I really needed, I reached my arm out, and it felt heavy, tugging on that person’s sleeve.

‘Wa-…’ I murmured

‘Wa?’ replied what I heard was a male voice,

‘Wa- ter…’ I murmured dryly again,

‘Oh! Oh right!’ he hurried away and came back, my eyes where still closed, but I felt his hand lifting my head slowly to sip on a glass of water, it went all over my neck to the ground, I then raised my hand to say it was enough, and pointed to my eyes,

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked

‘My eyes are dry’ my voice sounded awful,

‘Oh.’ He realised ‘here you go’

He made his finger tips wet and rubbed them over my eyes,

‘OW!’ I shouted when his nail hurt me,

‘Sorry! Sorry!’ he panicked,

My eyes where wide open, I could see him clearly.

It was the same boy I saw on the road, when he was staring at the sunflower field, he was wearing a white t shirt with elbow sleeves, his knee high shorts black, and two pairs of sneakers; he was a very charming boy, dark brown hair and dark brown eyes just like I remembered from a single glance before.

I felt my face burning and cringing, if I had known it was him, I’d be running miles from him before, but why oh why did my dizzy strokes had to pick now?

He placed his pale green jacket under my head; I was closing my eyes the whole time.

‘You look like I’m about to give you an injection’ he joked,

I was silently pouting away,

He just laughed at me, wow, his laugh was so nice and really contagious, I had to admit his laugh was quirky and funny; a small grin grew on my face.

‘Hey, you’re smiling a bit’ he teased,

‘Am not.’ I lied, in my mind I was thinking ‘oops, I should’ve shut up’, stupid me.

‘Am I ugly or something?’ he asked,

No way! You’re gorgeous! I said in my mind, I just shook my head,

‘Do I smell?’ he asked again,

I shook my head again,

‘Then what?’ he persistently asked again,

‘What then!?’ I unexpectedly shouted back, my irrational head and big mouth got the better of me,

‘Why won’t you look at me?’ he whispered,

I couldn’t answer, I’m pretty sure he’d think I was weird.

Suddenly this force grew in me to tell him,

‘I can’t know anyone, not ever.’

I felt his gaze on me again, although my eyes where tight shut.

‘Ok.’ He simply said,

I then remembered my medicine for just in case,

‘Um, my medicine’ I whispered

‘Hm?’ he got confused,

I waved my finger to him, so he could come closer, he knelt his ear above to me,

‘My medicine, I need some water…’ I whispered to him,

‘oh.’ he understood, ‘do you want me to feed it to you or something?’ he laughed,

‘No.’ I frowned, ‘I just can’t move my arm, it feels numb again’

‘Do you always have this problem, or is it you can’t look at me still?’ he asked again

I cringed,   and I remembered something Lydia once told me,

‘You’re something like a Bellissima.’ I replied,

I sensed his puzzled looks,

‘What’s that?’ he asked, I opened my eyes to look at him,

‘It means Beautiful…’ I replied gently, ‘I can’t stand to look at you…’

His face cringed a little, his face looked away for a second, he nodded weirdly and rubbed his hand on his face, I could see he was crossed legged sitting beside me, and the water I drank from was a plastic cup.

My eyes looked down a bit; I then turned my face away,

‘Um your water?’ he reminded me,

I nodded, and took my pill out of my pocket with my right arm still able to move,

‘Ok,’ he readied himself, he then lifted my head, and I swallowed my pill and drank the water from the cup again,

After he knelt my head down, I closed my eyes again, after a little while, we didn’t talk, I was very cautious if I twitched a bit, I couldn’t tell if he was still looking at me or waiting impatiently, soon I forgot that he was next to me, and I could feel the rays of sun over me, and the warm wind blowing.

Today was really beautiful in my opinion, just knowing the image in my head was exactly like it was in front of me.

After a few minutes, I tempted myself to open my eyes; I wanted to know he was beside me, because it was far too quiet.

I opened them, and he was gone.

I sat myself up, hoping I was wrong, but it was true, he gone, no where in sight, not behind me or anywhere.

It felt like a really beautiful ghost saved me.

Tobi was no where to be seen either, that stupid cat, even when I get my dizzy strokes it wants to go off some where again.

I then noticed something in my hand; it was the sunflower I wanted to pick.

I knew exactly straight away who got it down for me, a huge smile grew across my face, I didn’t care if I didn’t see him again; knowing he existed was enough for me.